This time it's different
by retardedgazelle
Summary: It's been done to death, but i couldn't help myself. Yes it's an olivia get's attacked story. Finally updated, with more to come soon! Give it a go!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Olivia walked out of the bar, a little worse for wear, and headed down the street. Elliot had left a couple of hours earlier, wanting to get home at a reasonable hour for once, exhausted after a week of late nights, but Olivia had stayed for a couple more, not looking forward to going home to an empty apartment again.

She had accepted a couple of drinks from a guy in the bar, not wanting to sit alone after Elliot had left, and she was kind of glad of the company, even if the guy was a bit of a jerk. But she could only stand his attempt at picking her up for so long, even with the alcohol, and she had to be at work in the morning.

So she had given him a fake number, told him to call her, and had left. Despite the late hour she started walking home, it was only a few blocks, and although she had had a few she still felt capable of getting herself home.

She had been walking about ten minutes, lost in her thoughts, wondering why the only guys she seemed to meet lately were complete idiots, when she was grabbed from behind.

She was immediately clear headed as she put her training into use and she tried to hit him.

She landed a couple of blows but though she was thinking more clearly her body didn't seem to want to move as fast as her brain was ordering it to.

He soon overpowered her and hitting him only seemed to make him more angry, he started landing blows on her face and stomach, and as she felt herself getting woozy he dragged her down an alley. The last thing she remembered was hitting the ground.

As she slowly came to it took her a while to realise where she was, struggling to sit up, her head pounding, she wondered what to do next. She attempted to stand but her legs felt weak and she realised it wasn't only her head that was painful.

She thought she should go to a hospital but then a wave of panic overcame her as she realised they would want to call the police, and once the police knew she knew Elliot would find out.

She didn't know if she wanted Elliot to know. One part of her desperately wanted to ring him right now, to have him come and get her and make everything ok, but another part of her worried. She knew her partner, he would worry about her, and he would get angry, angry at whoever had done this, she didn't know if she could deal with his anger.

She didn't know what to do, she was torn. But the rational part of her came through and she realised she had to go to a hospital, the pain was bad, and she knew she was in no state to just get up and go home and hope it would go away.

She couldn't remember what had happened and that worried her. She hurt all over, her ribs, her stomach, her head, her thighs.

Her thighs, the realisation hit her like a truck, her thighs hurt. Her top was ripped and as she looked down she realised her pants were undone.

What the hell had happened?

She couldn't think about that right now, she had to get out of here, she suddenly wanted to be somewhere safe, she knew that despite her earlier fears there was only one person she could call.

Elliot was sleeping when his cellphone rang, not just resting his eyes or dozing, actually sleeping, for the first time in what felt like days. It took him a while to realise what the noise that had awoken him was. He reached for the phone and seeing the caller ID he groaned, calls from liv at 3am could only mean one thing, a new case and no chance of going back to sleep tonight.

"hey liv, what's up" he asked not really wanting to hear her response.

"Elliot….I….Elliot….", suddenly Elliot was wide awake, something was wrong.

"liv what's wrong?" he was starting to worry, he hadn't ever heard liv like this.

"Elliot…please can you come and get me"

"where are you?.. are you ok?…what happened" He was starting to panic now, this wasn't the liv he knew, she sounded scared, and the liv he was partnered with was fearless.

"I'm not sure….i was walking home, now I don't know, somewhere near 92nd and broadway… please Elliot…please" she sounded increasingly agitated.

He was out of bed now and he was hurriedly getting dressed, thankful that he now lived in the city and not all the way out in queens.

"O.K. liv, I'm on my way, I want you to stay on the phone, can you do that"

"yes..o.k."

Elliot rushed out of his apartment and into his car, not caring that he was probably still over the limit.

All he could think about was getting to liv, he had to see her, to make sure she was o.k.

She hadn't been clear about exactly where she was, and Elliot was now looking for her, calling her name and talking to her on the phone at the same time.

"El, I can hear you, I'm right here"

He ran down the alley searching for her, waiting for her to jump out and tell him this was all a horrible practical joke, but he knew it wasn't, he knew her, and he knew something awful had happened.

When he finally saw her his first feeling was relief, relief that he had found her, everything would be o.k now he had found her.

But then he really saw her. Saw her sitting there, in the dark, a few tears rolling down her bloody and bruised face.

All the scenarios that had run through his head hadn't prepared him for this, to actually see her here, to see her weak and vulnerable. That wasn't her, she just wasn't that kind of person.

He didn't know what had happened but he knew it was bad, and he was angry, angry that someone had dared to do this to liv, and angry that he had left her alone, he should have taken her home himself. Made sure she was o.k.

But now was not the time to get angry, there would be time for that later, now he had to be there for her, he had to help her now.

She was so relieved to see him, she wished she wasn't, she hated to think she needed someone to come and rescue her, but she couldn't help it, just seeing him made her feel better.

For once in her life she wanted someone else to take control, not just someone else, him. The one person she knew she could trust no matter what.

She was aware of him looking at her and she realised he was unsure of what to do. She knew he just wanted to help her but she realised he was waiting for her to say something.

"Elliot….I think I need to go to a hospital" she looked for his reaction, realising that he had been taking in her appearance. I must look a mess she thought. She couldn't see her face but she knew it was bloody and she knew her clothes were ripped and bloody too. She could see several bruises on her arms and knew there must be more on her face, and judging by the pain there was probably a lot more on the rest of her body.

"can you stand?" was the only thing he could manage to get out. Just get her to a hospital he thought, get her somewhere safe and worry about the rest later.

"I don't know, I tried but I felt dizzy so I just sat down again"

"o.k. don't worry I'm gonna help you", he reached his arms under hers and helped her get to her feet, the movement made her dizzy again, and she was feeling increasingly nauseaus. But she let him support her.

He half supported, half carried her to his car, and helped her into the passenger seat, noticing how much pain she was in, and praying he could just get her to the hospital fast where they could help her.

Ignoring most of new yorks traffic laws he rushed to the nearest E.R., he just wanted to get her somewhere more comfortable, he couldn't stand seeing her in pain.

They arrived at the E.R. and Elliot helped her inside, shouting for someone to help him, as Olivia became increasingly weak and unable to support herself.

Then Elliot watched as several nurses appeared and Olivia was taken away, he had tried to follow but someone had stopped him, and though he wanted to shout and scream to get them to let him be with her, he knew that getting angry now would not help, so he sat and waited.

He thought about calling cragen and telling him what happened, but he didn't really know what had happened and he wanted to talk to Olivia first, he didn't want to do anything without asking her first.

After what seemed like hours but was probably only 30 minutes a doctor came out to speak to elliot.

Elliot heard the details of her condition, the extensive bruising and broken ribs and the possible concussion, but all he wanted to know was if he could talk to her, if she had said anything about what had happened.

The detective in him needed to know, the friend in him didn't want to know, but he knew he had to ask.

"was she raped?"

How can one question hold so much power, mean so much, make your heart want to break.

"we don't know, we haven't done a rape kit yet, we wanted to give her a few minutes to think about it and she wanted to talk to you."

He knew he had to go in, he wanted to see her so badly, to see for himself that she was o.k. but he was afraid, afraid of hearing what had happened. So far he had avoided thinking about what might have gone on, thinking only about getting her somewhere safe, now he knew he would have to ask, and he wasn't sure he was prepared for the answer.

He pushed open the door to her room and he walked in, trying to prepare himself but realising that for the first time in a long while he was completely unprepared for what would happen when he entered the room. His cop instincts were screaming at him, you've dealt with victims before, you can deal with this, but the friend in him was telling him that nothing he knew would help, that this was different, because she wasn't a victim, she was his friend.

"hey, how are you feeling"

"better I guess, they gave me some painkillers"

awkward silence filled the air, all elliot could do was stand there, not knowing what to say, while he took in her appearance. The blood had been washed off, the bruises starting to form, but otherwise she looked so much better he could almost believe nothing had happened, that none of this was happening.

For her part she really did feel better, cleaned up and not in so much pain she no longer felt as vulnerable as she had when she had called elliot, now she was more ashamed that she hadn't been able to get here herself, she wasn't going to let any weakness show now.

" they want to do a rape kit"

she said it in such a matter of fact tone it shocked him. There was no question, just a statement.

"what do you want?"

he knew that this had to be her decision, whatever she chose to do it had to be her choice.

"I know they should do it, but I don't know if I want to know. I was knocked out, I can't remember, if I have it done and it confirms it then I have to face it."

" you said confirms it, that means you already think that that is what happened, doing the kit won't change anything, but it might help us catch whoever did this"

"that's assuming I report this"

"what, how could you not report this?"

She saw the look of shock on his face, the incredulity that she, a SVU detective, might decide not to report being attacked.

"it's not that easy elliot"

"you were attacked Olivia, I know you don't want to seem weak but this Is not something that will just go away if you ignore it"

"this isn't about seeming weak, I don't feel weak, I know he was stronger than me, that I was unarmed, that I couldn't have stopped him, I'm not weak elliot"

their voices were raised now but neither seemed to care.

"then what is this about Olivia, because I know you and you don't let a man like that get away with it"

"have you even considered the consequences for me if I report this, I'd lose my job elliot, is that what you want"

"what, all you're concerned about is your job, the job you have trying to catch guys like that"

"I love my job, but they would never let me stay, they can't have some unstable rape victim working sex crimes, if I don't have my job, what do I have elliot?"

"justice"

"if only it were that simple"

her voice lower now, he realised he had just being arguing with his friend, the woman he was supposed to be here for, looking out for, and he had just being arguing with her because, because of what, because of some misguided sense of justice. He fell quiet as he moved closer to her.

"I'll have the kit done, but that doesn't mean I'm automatically gonna report this, I need time to think about that, I just want to keep my options open, I don't want to regret not doing it later."

"ok, I'll get the nurse"

As he sat outside her room waiting for the nurse to finish, Olivia having insisted she wanted to do this on her own, he realised he was more confused than ever. He couldn't believe that she might not report this, that the woman who was so good at getting victims to come forward and see justice done might just let him get away with it. He couldn't understand it, she should be the one determined to catch the guy, to put him away, to see him punished for what he had done.

For what he had done. It was a realisation that hit elliot, this wasn't some guy who'd hurt his partner during an arrest or an interrogation, she wasn't just a bit bruised, she wouldn't just be okay in the morning. Nothing had prepared him for the realisation that things might never be the same, that his partner had been raped.

He had just been hoping that everything would be ok, he would get her to the hospital, they would patch her up, he'd take her home, maybe insist on staying to make sure she rally was ok, then she'd be back at work and everything would be normal again. Now he realised it would be a long time before things were normal again, if they ever were. She was right, they would probably transfer her if she reported it. They'd insist she take some time off, which would drive her crazy, then they'd want her to transfer to another department, he couldn't imagine not being partnered with her anymore. But what if they were right, what if she couldn't handle working svu anymore, sure she was the strongest woman he knew, but who knows how people handle things, what if it was for the best that she transferred. No that couldn't happen, she wasn't like other people, she wouldn't let this stop her from doing her job.

For once he really didn't know if reporting this was the right thing. He spent every day convincing victims that coming forward was the right thing to do, but what if it wasn't, what if you lost more by coming forward than you did by keeping quiet. That shouldn't happen, you shouldn't have to face losing your job because you want to do the right thing.

His thoughts were disturbed by the nurse emerging from Olivia's room.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you to my kind reviewers, you made my day. I am not a writer and never will be, so i was very hesitant to put my story up but i'm glad you liked it. This is my first ever story.

So here's another chapter, even though i really am supposed to be learning everything that can go wrong with the liver in a week (who said med school was tough!). I hope you enjoy but i promise not to cry if you hate it.

Oh and in case it isn't glaringly obvious, **i do not own law and order: svu!**,i only ownmy computer and my stethoscope - they're my babies!

Chapter two

"You can go back in now, we're nearly done, I just need to get some medication and I'll be right back."

"Thanks" Elliot replied getting up and moving back into the room.

He moved over towards Olivia, amazed at how composed she appeared to be.

"Are you o.k?" somehow the question didn't seem adequate, but then he didn't know what else to say.

"Yes, I'm fine, just glad it's over with I suppose."

"Yeah" awkward silence filled the air as Elliot tried to think of something to say, he was saved however when the nurse re-entered the room.

"O.K. Miss Benson, we have an antibiotic for you and the morning after pill, here you go"

She offered Olivia the pills and a glass of water, and Olivia took them gratefully.

"Thanks" she offered a small smile to the nurse.

"That's ok, I'll get you something to wear home, and some follow up instructions for you, then you should be able to go home. The bruises and broken ribs should heal themselves but you do have a concussion so we would rather if someone went home with you, and you need to take it easy for a couple of days. You can take ibuprofen for the pain, and if you have any worries just call."

The nurse gave Olivia a reassuring smile and left her and Elliot alone.

"They letting you go already?"

"Yeah, I told them I'd rather not stay"

"Right, okay" he wished he could think of something to say, something that might help, but he felt that now wasn't the time, he could see that she just wanted to get home, and he didn't want her to push him away.

"Do you want me to call anyone else for you?"

"No that's ok, but do you think you could give me a ride home?"

"Of course I can, you didn't think I was just going to leave you to go home alone, did you?" Elliot was shocked that she had thought he would just leave her here alone.

"I don't know, it's late, and I dragged you out of bed, you should be home sleeping." Olivia, as independent as she was didn't want to go home alone, but she felt guilty about disturbing Elliot's much needed sleep.

"You didn't drag me anywhere, I want you to know that there is nowhere I would rather be right now, I'll be here for whatever you want, and you should never be afraid to ask because whatever you need I'll be there. I mean it Olivia, do you understand? Never hesitate to ask for anything."

"Yes. Thank you Elliot." He wanted to go over and give her a hug, but he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do, hesitating he realised how much his uncertainty scared him, he didn't like not knowing what the right thing to do was anymore. He didn't like worrying if his actions would upset her.

A light knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, as the nurse from earlier entered. She handed Olivia a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt. "Sorry, they're not exactly the height of fashion."

"It's ok, they're fine, thanks."

"Well they're clean and they'll be ok till you get home, would you like to take a shower?"

"Yes, that would be great."

"Well the bathroom is just through there, I brought you some soap, the stuff they buy here is not great."

Elliot suddenly felt guilty, he should have thought of that, he should have let her get a shower as soon as they had finished the kit but he just wanted to be near her and make sure she was ok, he hadn't even thought of it. But then she hadn't asked either.

The nurse left, and Elliot immediately tried to apologise to Olivia.

"I'm so sorry, I should have thought that you might want to shower, I should have let you…"

"Elliot stop, please, I would have told you if I wanted you to leave, I wanted to wait till I got some clothes to change into, o.k. Elliot, stop worrying, you are not doing anything wrong." Olivia tried to reassure Elliot.

"Alright, how about I go get us some coffee and give you a chance to get washed and dressed."

"o.k. that would be great, thanks"

Elliot left Olivia alone to shower and headed towards the cafeteria. As he walked away from her room he was hit once again with the awful feeling that this shouldn't be happening. Olivia wanting to shower had made him realise that despite being a tough cop, despite being strong and independent, despite being his best friend, Olivia was still, at this moment, a victim. He knew she would handle this, that she could handle this, but he realised that just because she was Olivia it didn't make her any different to the other victims he had dealt with before. The thought made him feel sick and he ran to the nearest restroom, where he threw up what little was left in his stomach from earlier in the evening. As he sat exhausted in the stall he wished he could just make this all go away, but he was old enough to know that you can't always get what you wish for.

Olivia meanwhile had headed for the shower as soon as Elliot had left. She had wanted to try to get clean since she had come round and realised what had happened but she knew she had to wait, the rational side taking over. Once the kit had been done she wanted to get washed but Elliot had come back in and she could tell he was worried about her. She knew that she had already scared him tonight, and she was afraid that he might not see her as the same person as before. She didn't want to look or act like a victim, she didn't want to reinforce his view of her that way. So she had waited, she had sat there feeling dirty, wondering what she could say so she seemed less like a victim, more like the person she was before. As she stepped under the hot shower she wondered when she had decided that the person she was before was different to the person she is after. When had she decided to draw a line through her life and label one side before and the other after?

So she stood in the shower, washing herself with the nice soap the nurse had given her, the soap she had earned by becoming a victim, and she let a few tears fall. She was afraid that she was a different person now, that she wouldn't be able to be the person she used to be. What if it did affect her job, what if people thought she couldn't handle it anymore? what if people looked at her and thought, she was a great cop before, but now she's different.

She was scared, she hated to admit it but she was. And though she was scared of the man that had attacked her, a fact she hated to admit, she was more scared of how people at work would treat her or think of her if they knew. Would they look at her differently, would they try to protect her more, would they try to shield her from difficult investigations, and if they did would she really be able to do her job?

During the kit, when they had told her it was positive for fluids, she had felt angry that someone could do this to her, an anger that had made her think that Elliot had been right, that she should report this, that she should try to seek some kind of justice. She had realised that he was right, that she wasn't the sort of person to just let someone get away with it. But now she didn't know if she could stand the looks on their faces if she told, the sympathy and pitying glances, the constant checking that she was ok, the thought that they were all wondering if she was going to crack at any minute. She still didn't know what she should do, she knew the right thing to do, but what if that wasn't the right thing for her?


	3. Chapter 3

Olivia had finished showering and had dressed when Elliot returned with the coffee.

"I got it just the way you like it"

"Thanks" she took the coffee from him, and he felt like an idiot, for bringing her coffee, what good was that? he should have been doing something more, but all he had managed to do was bring her coffee, especially since it was now nearly 6am and he should be taking her home so she could sleep.

If she had noticed Elliot's sudden hesitancy she didn't say anything as she took a sip of the coffee, thinking of all the times in the past when he had brought her coffee, when they were working cases together. Her earlier worries about not being able to do her job properly anymore resurfaced but she tried to force them away. She knew now that she had to report this but that didn't mean she was any less afraid of actually doing it, of actually facing her co-workers.

She was brought out of her thoughts by Elliot's voice speaking to her.

"Are you ready to go home then? the nurse said you were all set."

"Yeah, I'm ready, thanks Elliot"

"What for?"

"For staying with me, you didn't have to" even as she was saying it she knew that it was pointless, that Elliot would have stayed no matter what she said, that he really was that stubborn, but she still felt like she had to say something, make it clear he could have left, she would have managed on her own.

Elliot realising what she was trying to do, knew he had to reassure her.

"I know you would have been fine on your own, but I wanted to be here, I wouldn't have been fine knowing you were here on your own, I'm glad you called me."

This time he did move to hug her, if it felt strange to be hugging his partner he wasn't aware of it. For her part she knew she could utterly trust him and she allowed him to hold her.

After a minute or so Elliot pulled out of the hug, "come on then let's get out of here".

They left the hospital together and he walked her to his car. As they headed towards her apartment she realised she didn't know what to do now. She was supposed to be at work in a couple of hours, and so was Elliot. At some point in the next few hours she was going to have to talk to Cragen. At some point in the next few hours everything would change again. For the second time in 24 hours her life would change and there would be no going back, but this time she knew she at least had some control over it.

"You know we're supposed to be at work in a couple of hours?" she decided she should really say something to Elliot.

"Yeah, what do you want to do?" Elliot asked her, knowing that her answer to this would be an indication of what she would do next. If she said she wanted to phone in sick and pretend she was ok then chances were she wasn't going to report it. On the other hand if she was going to report it he knew she would probably do it pretty soon, he knew she knew that the sooner you reported it the more likely you were to catch someone.

Olivia took a deep breath, and let her reasonable, responsible side take over again.

"I think I need to take a few days off" Elliot's heart sank; she was going to ignore this and let him get away with it.

"But first I need to go in so I can make a statement" there she had said it. Now she had made a decision, spoken it out loud she felt set on it. Now she could focus her energy on the path she had chosen.

Elliot was actually surprised, despite how much he knew her, knew her need for justice, what she had said at the hospital had made him think. He had wondered if reporting it was the right thing, and though he knew it was what she had said had planted a seed of doubt in his mind. He had almost stopped thinking about justice, his concern about what was best for her outweighing his need to do something to get this guy.

Despite his surprise however, he was glad she had decided to report it. He knew it wouldn't be easy for her, but he knew that she could end up with real regrets if she didn't.

"Well I'm glad you have decided to report it, what do you want to do now?"

"I want to go back to my apartment and get changed, and you should think about trying to get some sleep, you've been up all night."

"Liv, you know I can handle going without sleep, you've seen it often enough. You should try and get some sleep though."

"I will but later, you know I should do this as soon as possible."

"O.k." he knew fighting with her would do no good, and he knew she could handle sleep deprivation as well as he could.

They pulled up outside her apartment and he cut the engine. He noticed her wincing in pain as she got up out of the car, though he knew she wouldn't admit it. They walked up to her apartment in silence, neither really knowing what to say.

Once she had let them in, she offered him something to drink. After politely declining her offer Olivia disappeared into the bedroom to get changed. She was glad to be out of the clothes the hospital had given her, and into some of her own clothes. She felt like the clothes they had given her identified her as a victim, in her own clothes she was Olivia again.

She found Elliot waiting for her in the living room, and she decided to sit down next to him for a minute.

"So what now?" he asked her.

"I guess I should call Cragen, ask him to meet us at the precinct, do you think it's too early to ring him?"

"I think he's used to calls at worse hours, and he'd probably be more upset if he thought you had waited to call him because you were worried about his sleep."

" I suppose you're right" she sighed picking up the phone, yet she was finding it difficult to dial the number.

"Do you want me to call him?" Elliot offered.

"No, but thanks for the offer, I have to do this."

She dialled the number and waited while it rang, tempted with every ring just to put the phone down and pretend this never happened.

Before she could change her mind however she heard the phone being picked up and Cragen announcing his presence.

"Hi, it's Olivia, sorry to wake you but I need to meet you at the station"

"Sure, what's up?" Cragen asked, not worried about being woken but curious as to why Olivia wanted to meet at the station, and why it couldn't wait a couple more hours.

"I'd rather talk about it in person if that's ok"

"That's fine, I can be there in half an hour."

"Great, I'll meet you there" she hung up the phone and took a deep breath; glad she was over one more hurdle.


	4. Chapter 4

Iwas hoping to write a longer chapter but I've been really busy ( for some reason they seem to make you do a lot of work at medical school). Anyway here is the next (albeit short) chapter.

Enjoy and review please.

* * *

The drive to the precinct was spent mostly in silence. The traffic was light and it didn't take them long to arrive. As they parked the car they noticed that Cragen had already arrived.

They entered the squad room and Elliot gave Olivia's shoulder a slight squeeze.

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

Olivia thought about it for a moment.

"No it's o.k., I need to do this by myself, but thanks for the offer"

"o.k. I'll be right out here if you need anything"

With Elliot's reassurance that he would be there if she needed him Olivia headed over to Cragen's office. She lightly knocked on the door and entered the office, pausing only to take a deep breath.

"hey, sorry for calling you in so early"

"That's o.k., did I hear Elliot out there?"

"yeah, he came in with me"

"oh, o.k. so what is this about, you two catch a case I need to be worried about?" Although he was usually the one handing out cases, out of office hours any one of his detectives could get called in and he usually didn't know about it until the next day, unless the case was likely to attract a lot of attention.

He was curious when Olivia didn't answer him right away, she wasn't usually one to hesitate before speaking.

It was at that point that he first looked at Olivia properly, when she had entered he had spoken without really looking at her. Now he saw her properly he was shocked, something had clearly happened. Although she was now dressed in her normal work clothes she couldn't hide the bruises on her face. She was just glad that he couldn't see the marks under her clothes.

"Olivia, what happened?" the words were spoken softly and with concern, but she still took a moment before she spoke. Deciding it was best to just say it and get it over with before she changed her mind, she said the words that somehow held so much power.

"I was raped"

The silence seemed to last forever. The look on his face was a mixture of shock, horror and devastation. Olivia felt guilty, she had done that to him, made him look like that. Maybe reporting this had been a mistake after all. Before she had been thinking about her feelings, how she would feel once everyone knew. Now she was thinking about was how the others would feel once they knew, she didn't want to hurt them.

"maybe you should sit down" was what he eventually managed to get out.

Olivia took a seat, and waited for him to say something else.

"Elliot knows?" now realising that was probably why he was here, for moral support.

"yeah, I called him, after.., he took me to the hospital."

He was relieved that at least she hadn't been totally alone.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" he asked, not entirely sure he wanted to hear about it, but knowing that it was his duty as both a cop and a friend to hear what she had to say.

She wondered for a minute if she should wait until she knew who would be handling the case, before telling the story, minimising the repetition of the night's events, but she knew that was probably pointless. She ought to get used to describing what happened, she was probably going to have to do it many times.

She also realised that Elliot didn't really know what happened, she hadn't really talked to him about it, and he had been out of the room when they had done the kit. She realised she should probably have told him before coming in, she didn't want him to hear it second hand. If she was going to describe what she could remember she wanted him to be there, he deserved to hear it from her first.

"Would it be ok if I asked Elliot to come in, I want to tell him at the same time"

"ok, stay there, I'll get him" he offered, taking this opportunity to see how Elliot was doing, he could only imagine how hard this must have hit Elliot, he knew how close they were.

He stepped outside his office and observed Elliot for a moment. He was sat in his chair, head in his hands, looking like his world had just caved in.

"You ok?" he asked, doubting he would get an honest answer.

"Shouldn't you be asking Olivia that?"

"I'm sure she'll get asked that enough from everyone else, and she'll hate it, and she'll probably lie, just as I expect you will"

"I'm fine"

"Really? you know what happened, you saw her, she's your best friend, your partner, you'd take a bullet for her, you're really feeling fine right now?"

"No, but that's not important now, how she's feeling is what's important."

"She's gonna need you to be there for her, to support her, to let her know she's not alone, that she will be ok. If you're going to really be there for her you can't ignore you're feelings, as much as you want to. I'm gonna be here if you need to talk too. Don't forget that. Now she wanted you to come in, you ready?"

"What if I can't handle hearing it? What if I let her down?"

"You won't let her down, I know you and I know you'll handle this."

"o.k. I'm ready." He got up and both men headed back into Cragen's office.


	5. Chapter 5

Hi to those of you who are reading. sorry for the long wait, i've been really busy but i still feel bad about taking so long. Thank you again to my kind reviewers, getting a nice review makes my day, so if anyone else feels like reviewing please do.

Huge thanks to NikkiSixx15 for the lovely review, it made me happy all evening!

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Elliot and Cragen returned to the office, Elliot taking the seat next to Olivia. He gave her a small, but reassuring, smile. No words were needed. She knew had to do this, it would be the first time of many, and they knew that they didn't need to say anything, this was her time to talk.

Sitting there, looking at Elliot and Cragen, she knew she could do this. She knew that they would be there for her and that they didn't feel sorry for her. She knew that they believed what they had all told victims countless times before, that it wasn't their fault, that they were not to blame and had nothing to be ashamed of. She had always believed that too, and she knew she had to believe it now.

So she told them what she could remember. From Elliot leaving her in the bar to waking up and calling him to come and get her. She couldn't tell them that much, she didn't see anyone, and she was pretty much out of it for most of the time.

The worst part was not recalling how he had grabbed her, or how she had come to - slowly realising what had happened, the worst part was when she told Cragen about Elliot leaving and she glanced across at him. She could see the guilt in his face, she knew he was blaming himself, thinking he should have made sure she was safe. She would talk to him about it later, make sure he knew it wasn't his fault, and that there was nothing he could have done. Right now though she had to concentrate on finishing this.

Refusing to look away, to appear or feel ashamed, she looked directly at Cragen as she told them what the doctor had told her at the hospital. That she had definitely been raped, that there was some trauma and that they had detected fluids. She told them that she had known almost as soon as she had come around but had refused to fully believe it until the doctor had said it. She told them how after hearing it confirmed she had known that despite her concerns about reporting it she knew she had to the right thing.

It was at this point that Cragen first spoke.

"concerns, what concerns?"

He didn't believe that she had considered not reporting this. Elliot however knew that her concerns were valid, and that although he was glad she had chosen to report it, and he was certain it was the right choice, he too was worried about how this could affect her career.

Olivia looked at him, she could see he was shocked at her apparent hesitancy about coming forward. She wanted to explain to him, like she had to Elliot, that the decision to come forward wasn't entirely straightforward.

"Mostly I was afraid of losing my job, afraid that they would, that they will, force me to transfer. That they would think it would get too personal, that I wouldn't be able to handle it anymore. And I was afraid people would see me as a victim, that they would treat me differently, look at me differently. That they would worry about whether I can handle it, or that they would worry about saying the wrong thing and upsetting me. I was afraid everything would be different."

Cragen considered what she had said. He couldn't force people not to see her differently but he could do his best to address her other fears.

"as far as your job goes, I don't see how they could force you out unless your performance is adversely affected, and if they tried I have a feeling they would have a fight on their hands since last time I checked you couldn't force someone out of their job just because they were raped."

He inwardly cringed as he said the last three words. He was still having trouble believing that any of this was happening.

"And I'll try to keep this as quiet as I can, I can't promise but I can do my best to make sure this is handled discreetly."

"thanks, I'd appreciate that"

Hearing Cragen's reassurance about her job made her feel considerably better, but she knew there was a still a long way to go.

"Now as far as the investigation goes, I want to give this to Munch and Fin. How would you feel about that?"

"I suppose that's fine, they're almost as good as us" Olivia joked. She knew however that they would handle this well, that she could trust them.

"And Elliot I want you nowhere near the investigation, I know you, I know you want to get whoever did this but you can't be near this."

Elliot looked over at Olivia before responding. Cragen was right he wanted to go after whoever hurt her with everything he had, but he remembered what Olivia had said at the hospital, friend not cop.

"I know, I'm here for Olivia, I'm here as her friend not as a cop."

Olivia smiled at him, glad he hadn't put up any resistance. That he had listened to what she had told him earlier.

Cragen noticed the relief on Olivia's face at Elliot's lack of argument He couldn't help but be surprised at his acceptance, but he knew then that Olivia would get through this because she not only had him and the rest of the squad, she had Elliot looking out for her.

"Well Munch and Fin should be in soon, why don't you two take an hour and go out, get some breakfast, before coming back in." Cragen suggested, knowing that however hard talking to him had been, giving her formal statement was going to be rough on her, despite how strong she appeared to be at the moment.

"o.k." Olivia responded, realising it was probably a good idea to try and get something to eat, and she was thankful of the chance to relax a little before having to go over everything again, before having to tell another two of her close friends about how she had been violated.

"Do you want me to speak to them first or do you want to do it yourself when you get back?"

She had told Elliot that it was important for her to tell Cragen herself, doing so had meant she was in control. But saying those first words, seeing the shock and horror on his face had been hard. Maybe it wouldn't hurt for them to have an idea before she spoke to them, perhaps it would help if they'd had a chance to get over the shock.

"Would you mind telling them the basics for me, give them a chance to absorb it before I have to face them."

"of course, if that's what you want"

"thanks"

Olivia gave a small smile as she and Elliot got up and headed out for breakfast.


	6. Chapter 6

Cragen sat back in his chair and took a deep breath, he needed a moment to process what had just happened. As he composed his thoughts he became aware that Fin and Munch had arrived, he could hear Fin complaining once again about the coffee Munch had attempted to make in the absence of Elliot and Olivia. Realising that he couldn't put off telling them any longer he got up and called them into his office.

Fin entered the office first, munch following close behind. Cragen indicated that they should sit, and although slightly confused by his demeanour they took the two seats in front of his desk.

"what's up?" fin got straight to the point

"you have a new case"

"ok" was fins' quiet response, he was growing more confused by the captains unusual hesitancy, and judging by the look on john's face so was he.

Don struggled for a few minutes as he considered how he should word what was coming next, for some reason it suddenly seemed very important that he said it the right way. After what appeared to be a very long silence he realised that just saying it may be more important than how it was said. With John and Fin looking expectantly at him he opened his mouth

"this case is special, it's Olivia"

the confusion on fin and munchs' faces increased but was now mixed with something that looked to don a lot like fear.

"last night she and Elliott went for a few drinks, after he left her she had stayed for a couple more. On her way back to her apartment she was attacked and knocked out, when she came round she called Elliott, he found her and took her to the ER. Physically she'll be ok but they confirmed that she had been raped. She decided to make a report and her and Elliott were here a while ago, he's taken her for breakfast but she'll make an official statement when she returns"

He looked at them, the shock and pain evident on both their faces, it was a while before john made an attempt to speak

"How is she?"

"She's Olivia, She's strong, Elliott is there for her. Now I need you to be there for her and to take the case, can you do that?"

"Yes"

"Are you sure you can handle this?, I can call in someone else, Elliott is supporting her as a friend but I need you two to support her by catching the guy that did this.

"what makes you think that we are any less likely to kill the guy than Elliott?"

"because I know that you know what you need to do for Olivia, I know that you will do what is best for her, and anyone killing this guy is not going to help her. She needs you to do this right, the system is what she believes in and has dedicated her life to and it's what she has to believe in now."

He watched the reaction on their faces, saw them accepting what he had said and realising what they needed to do.

"Elliott gave me the location where he found her and I sent CSU over there, I also sent an officer to collect the kit she had done, you need to get her statement then check out the bar they were in last night"

Fin and Munch stood up, took the file that Cragen had started in their absence and left the office.


	7. Chapter 7

Hi, I'm back! I know it has been forever but I hate unfinished stories so since I have some free time now I thought I would try and gett his finally finished!

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Olivia sat opposite Eliot, pushing the eggs around her plate. She was aware he was watching her so she made a feeble attempt to eat the breakfast in front of her, but noticing his plate was no less empty than hers she gave up the pretence and put her fork down.

'no point in pretending, I can't eat right now'

For once she didn't get a lecture from her partner, 'more coffee?'

'thanks'

Eliot motioned for more coffee, and Olivia decided to broach the subject she knew was eating away at him.

'you know this is not your fault right?'

He looked up at her, she was struggling to bear the pain she saw in his eyes.

'I'm a grown woman, and I walk home alone every night. I wouldn't have it any other way and you know that.'

He knew she was right, but at this moment it didn't make him feel all that better, he didn't know if anything she said, no matter how true, would ever take away the guilt he felt for leaving her alone in that bar.

She finished her third cup of coffee and the waitress cleared their plates.

'I'm ready'

She wasn't sure how ready she really was but staying her and drinking her body weight in coffee wouldn't make what she had to do any easier, and she had a feeling the caffeine really wasn't helping her headache, which was starting again. She made a mental note to grab a couple of motrin, and avoid any of munchs coffee once they got back.

Eliot placed a couple of bills down, Olivia didn't even bother to try and pay, and they both got up. The walk back was spent mostly in silence, both of them not quite sure what to say, but knowing that neither really needed to say anything.

They entered the squadroom and Munch and Fin stood up, Olivia couldn't help smirk a little, they really were quite the double act. But she suddenly felt guilty looking at the look of devastation on both their faces, had she done that to them?

'Olivia'

Munch was the first to break the awkward silence, without saying anything else he walked over to her and hugged her. Eliot watched aware of his own internal debate about whether he should hug her and almost jealous of the fact that it came so easily to Munch, there was no awkwardness there, he held her and she let him. He pulled away and gave Eliot a pat on the back.

'What can we do?'

It was time for Fin speak up.

'your job, then I can go sleep, I have a killer headache' She hoped the joking tone might ease some of the obvious discomfort in the room.

She wondered if the more she repeated the story the easier it would get, but right now it wasn't getting any easier. As she sat reciting the story to John and Fin she felt almost switched off, she was reciting the facts but all she could think about was how they were handling it. She knew it was illogical, she should be thinking about herself, but more than the pain she was feeling, she was hating herself for inflicting this pain onto others.

Over an hour later and they had got all they could get out of her, she had tried, and hadn't objected to the repeated questioning but she simply couldn't tell them any more. She signed the bottom of her statement, and promised them they would be the first to hear if she remembered anything else. The events of the last 12 hours were starting to take their toll, the headache was back with a fury and she knew she needed to at least try and get some sleep. Eliot took her home, she hadn't needed to ask and neither had he, it was just natural.

He had walked her up to her apartment and gone in with her, she hadn't bothered trying to convince him to go home and sleep himself, instead she took a comforter out of the closet, told him she was gonna try and sleep for a bit and told him he should to, leaving the comforter on the sofa. He was glad she had accepted his continued presence, he didn't want to fight her but knew he wouldn't be able to rest at his place knowing she was at home alone. He watched her go into her room, and he took a seat on her sofa, he was hoping she would sleep but he didn't know if she would, so he settled himself and prepared himself to be there if she needed him.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for the lovely reviews, this is not that long but i want to try and get updates up quickly

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Cragen heard munch and fin return. It was hard not to hear them, the sound of their bickering had filled the squadroom. He wasn't sure what they were bickering about and he knew it was probably over something as minor as whose turn it was to buy the coffee, but he could see that they were taking their obvious frustration out on each other.

'that's enough'

the bickering stopped and they turned to look at their boss, they knew the argument was petty but while the were taking their frustration out on it they were distracted from what they had spent the day doing, trying to track down the man who had hurt their friend.

'we went to the bar, last night bartender wasn't in and they didn't have an address for him, we are gonna head back later and try and catch him. The owner did say they had had some complaints about a guy hanging out there harassing female customers, gave us a description but he wasn't in last night, couldn't tell us if he had been in.' Munch was clearly frustrated that they hadn't got anything more.

'the description did match the one Olivia gave of the guy she blew off, we'll see if the bartender can give us anything else, see if this is the same guy'

'Anything from the canvas?'

It was Fins turn to report the rest of the mostly fruitless day 'no one saw anything, no one heard anything, if anyone did they are not telling us anything. There was a couple of people not home, we'll hit them again tomorrow'

'well Warner called while you were out, she got the kit, she's waiting for you guys'

When Melinda had got the kit that morning she had had to sit down, The name on the kit was staring at her, the patrol officer who had handed it to her had confirmed her fears. She had signed for it, and the officer had left, and after she had stared at it for a good 10 minutes she had stood up and opened it.

She wasn't sure what she had felt when she had started running the samples, she had done it on autopilot, after all these procedures were second nature to her. But now the processing was done she had to stop and her emotions had got the better of her. She had known Olivia for many years now, it was funny how close you could become to people you worked with, even if you never saw them out of work. Given time to think about the implications of the tests she had run she had suddenly felt sick to her stomach, she left the lab and headed to the breakroom, grabbing a bottle of cold water from the fridge. It was there that Munch and Fin found her.

'Hey, we heard you had something?'

'How's Olivia?' Melinda looked at the two detectives, she could see the tension in their faces.

'she's good, I mean at least I think so, she went home, Eliot is with her' Munch shared what little he actually knew about how she was, being asked the question had made him realise he wasn't actually all that sure how she was doing. He remembered the look on her face when he had asked her to repeat her story, to keep going over the details, he had pushed her, and he knew that was his job and that she really needed him to do his job, but still he felt a sort of guilt.

Melinda had got up and was heading to the lab, 'well when you find him I have what you need to nail him, he didn't use a condom'

The detectives looked at each other, these days it was rare to find a perp stupid enough to leave DNA behind, it happened sometimes though, first timers, or cocky ones who just assumed they wouldn't get caught, or the ones who didn't think they had done anything wrong.

'I also got a hit to an open case, another rape, 2 months ago, it's being handled by a detective Bonesera'

'thanks doc'

'when you see her, tell her……..well just tell her I'm here'

She didn't need to say anymore, she wasn't sure there was anything else to say. She realised how much she was hoping they would catch the guy, she always wanted them to catch the guy but this time, this time it was different.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN:** It has been a long time since I updated, but have recently found a love of fanfiction again, and I really want to finish this story. I hinted at a crossover with CSI:NY at the end of the last chapter, and I have decided to go with it, but if you don't watch CSI:NY it is still essentially more of a SVU fic than a crossover.

This is pretty short, and is more to introduce a new detective to the story, will be back with Olivia and Elliot soon I promise!

As always I love reviews, even if they are just to criticize my spelling and grammar, I promise I will try and look for a Beta, volunteers welcome!

Stella sat at the desk in her office and began checking through her latest messages. She had arrived at work half an hour earlier and after grabbing a coffee she had sat down to work through some paperwork. First order of business was a quick scan of her open cases, sometimes new lead would come in, or new results would yield something to work on. As she worked through the list she made a note of what needed follow up.

A new witness claiming to have seen a man dumping something in an alley not far from the DiMartino crime scene, she would have to go out and take a look.

A new missing persons report had been filed matching a John Doe they had found a week ago, she would have to go and talk to the person who filed the report and get a DNA sample.

The next message took her a little by surprise, a case to case hit on a DNA sample from a rape case she had worked 2 months ago. She had hated having to tell the victim they had reached a dead end, so new evidence was welcome, but it meant he had struck again.

She brought up the results, wrote down the name of the lead detective, and made a note to try and get hold of him later in the morning.

Clicking through the rest of her messages revealed nothing urgent, but she added to the list of follow ups. She decided to call the detective on the rape case and try and arrange a meet up before she headed out to do the alley search. As she picked up the phone though there was a tap on her door. Looking over she saw two men, who even without the gold shields on display she could tell were detectives.

"come on in"

The men entered the office, the older detective entering first, with the younger man close behind.

"Detective Bonesera?" It was really more a statement than a question, given her name was right outside the door and she was sat at the only desk in the room.

"I'm Detective Munch and this is my partner, Detective Tutuola, we're with Manhattan SVU"

"please call me Stella, and I was about to call you to arrange a meeting, it seems we are both after the same guy, I assume that's why you are here?"

"yes, could you spare some time to discuss the case, tell us what you have?"

"I have some time now, why don't you take a seat, I'll grab us some coffee and collect the case file, then we can talk and share what we know" she emphasised the word share, she was all to used to detectives wanting information but being none too forthcoming when it came to giving information. She had sat for hours with the victim and she wasn't going to just hand everything over to these two detectives, no matter how good the reputation of their unit was.

She directed the detectives towards the sofa and chairs positioned around a small table on one side of her office.

"Thanks" Fin spoke up for the first time since entering the office "A decent coffee would be great"

John noted the emphasis Fin had placed on 'decent' and was actually slightly relieved to hear him mocking his coffee, there had been little light relief in the last two days, and conversation between the two had either been case related or non existent, given the current lack of real suspects there had been a lot of time spent in silence.

They took a seat as Stella left to go and get the file. They were hopeful this might give them some leads, they were going back to the bar when it opened to see if they could talk to the barman who had been there that night, but without any new from CSU, they were hoping this meeting could give them something useful. They had both however realised that if they really wanted to get anywhere they were going to have share details of the case with this detective. John knew that Detective Bonesera had an excellent reputation as both a detective and as a scientist, and that she was rated highly in the department for her empathy with victims, but John knew it would still feel uncomfortable having to share the details of Olivias rape with someone outside of their own department. He knew she would understand, and that working with Stella would be their best hope of finding a viable suspect, but this would be the first time he would have to recount the details to anyone outside of SVU, and he realised he was somewhat nervous and uncomfortable at the prospect.


End file.
